May 31

Moose, Wyoming… Who’da thought… But that’s where I am. Well sorta, I’m in this gorgeous valley right next to the Gros Ventre River. The Gros Ventre River Ranch (pronounced Grow Vaunt) is my home until October 1. I couldn’t ask for a place better. I instantly felt at home, the staff is like family, and the scenery is BREATHTAKING! Getting here on the 29^th took a little longer than expected due to constant rain. I arrived to a warm dinner of meatloaf waiting for me. I was taken to where I’ll be living and everyone came right out in the rain to help me move all my crap in. I’m staying in the Wolf Den with five other girls. There’s three others in my room and it’s actually right now not that terrible. My roommates are Julia, Bailey, and Cheyenne. Julia and Bailey have been here before so that’s nice to have them to help us adjust. Yesterday was spent organizing and folding sheets, towels, etc. Today was a very long day of cleaning from 8 to 5:30. It’s not glamorous but I couldn’t ask for more. I just ache to be on a horse. Saturday is probably the first day I can ride unfortunately. Well that’s it all in a nutshell besides the fact that I have a tiny amount of service and the internet isn’t that reliable so outside world I’m sorry to say I’ll hardly know what’s going on out there. O well. Love ya’ll!

Bras and Breasts: Shaping History

The Bra: it’s a strange contraption use by women and hated by most. An unusually shaped oddity that women strap on themselves every morning in hopes of keeping “the girls” contained, shaped, and perky. Bras have been seen throughout history; burnings in protest even in ancient times a type of bra was worn. Along with its torturous counterparts, the girdle and corset, the bra has influenced change in history.

Breasts: peculiarly shaped body parts on women used for nurturing; scientifically proven to attract men. How can a loathsome article of clothing and a body part really shape history? Does society’s view of breasts change its views on women? Evidence throughout time could show a like between bras, breasts, and history.

Zoom back in time the ancient Egyptians and Phoenicians, around 2000-1500 B.C., to the fifth largest island in the Mediterranean named Crete. Its ancient inhabitants were called the Minoans after their King Minos. The Minoan people are seen as Europe’s first advanced civilization with contributions to architecture, pottery, and language. They were even the first European civilization to build a palace.

At the time, the Greeks were wearing long flowing chitons[1] and the Egyptians were in their loincloths and sheath dresses[2], the Minoan women were in “…skirts put together in an almost fantastic manner … constructed in tiers, separated by straps of rich ornamentation…. The waist is slender, and surrounded by a rolled girdle. The upper part of the person is clothes in a sleeved jacket sewn at the shoulder, but breast is bare.” (Köhler) The tight corset like jacket provided support as well as lift to the women’s breasts just like present day bras, except they were completely exposed.[3] Breasts were seen as a sign of fertility and exposing them showed how fertile the woman was.

The images of the Minoan women baffled archeologists when first discovered. They expected the women to be clothed in loincloths or more natural clothing like the men but they weren’t. The Minoans were the first form of artificial silhouette that historians have seen. Some costume historians say that the Minoan dress is what inspired later silhouettes and breast support in fashion.

What did this fashion trend do to their society? Minoans (and later the Mycenaeans) were all seen as equals regardless of age, race, or gender.

Women were priestesses, functionaries, administrators and participated in sports that would otherwise be dominated by males. Boxing and bull-jumping were the two most popular sports in Crete. Bull-jumping was a common theme found in Minoan wall paintings and vase sculptures. The object was to test one’s courage and agility by grabbing the bull's horns and either mounting it or vaulting over it. A successful vaulter landed on her feet behind the bull. Illustrations of the sport emphasize grace, fluidity and gymnastic skill more than bravery and both men and women participated.

Women were equally represented as skilled craftswomen, entrepreneurs, priestesses and were found among the highest echelons of political life. Evidence suggests that the priesthood was dominated by women. Although the palace kings were male, Minoan society was not necessarily patriarchal. (Narada)

Is it a coincidence that a people like the Minoans with a style of exposing women’s breasts on a daily basis also had a culture based on equality between genders? Maybe a key to equality lies in the way society allows its women to present themselves.

The concept of exposing the breasts switches between offensive to accepted depending on the time period. In the time between the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, where women would bind their breasts, the concept of exposing a woman’s breasts was completely immodest, a stark contrast to the Minoans. Eventually with the change in times the image of breasts being exposed became more acceptable but mainly in art.

Art during the Renaissance brought a rebirth of the way art was done in ancient times. Nudity was a common factor in the sculptures and reliefs of the Greeks and Romans. Artists like Sandro Botticelli, Donatello, and Leonardo da Vinci used naked women as subjects of their masterpieces. This brought breasts into the limelight once again. The woman figure became seen as a thing of beauty. Just picture the beautiful painting by Botticelli, Birth of Venus. [4] Venus is covered in nothing but her long hair, something that would not have been seen in the Middle Ages. Art books are filled with pages of paintings of naked women. Even women of power were painted in the nude; such as Gabrielle d’Estrées[5](Henry IV’s beloved) or Diane de Poiters (Henry II’s mistress.)

Slowly throughout history women gained more power eventually leading to queens like King Henry VIII’s daughter, Queen Elizabeth I. Queen Elizabeth I not only became a great queen, establishing more trade and overseas exploration - turning England from a minor country into a major world power - religious settlement, and English Theatre, but she also became a fashion icon for her day. Women’s fashion from this point on became more and more elaborate. Women, their fashions, and their breasts became a focal point.

So what? What did the rebirth of exposing women’s breast change in history besides providing stunning artwork? It planted a seed in the minds of women that they were something. Confidence began growing in women, a confidence that would steadily grow into women seeking equality in society between men and women.

Flash forward to the 1800’s in America. The seed started to sprout in the minds of women. Women like Lucy Stone, Susan B. Anthony, and Sojourner Truth, fought for women’s suffrage. They believed that women should be able to have a say in the way the government was ran. In 1920, women gained the right to vote furthering the trend of women fighting for their freedom and equality. Women in the 1920’s ditched the use of bras, which were a regular part of women’s every day wear beginning in the 1900’s, and went to either none or a more loose fitting body girdle. Ditching the bra could be seen as ditching the constriction of not having the right to vote.

Unfortunately, bra wearing came back in to fashion due to the fact that they kind of are a necessity but they didn’t become any less important. They became a big focus in the 1960’s. Germaine Greer was quoted saying, “Bras are a ludicrous invention.” This statement reflected the views of the radical women at the time. Women began questioning the importance of the bra and their place in society. The pivotal point in this mind set occurred at the 1968 Miss America Pageant.

The 1968 protest originated with New York Radical Women, one of the earliest women's liberation groups in the country. About 150 feminists from six cities joined them to show how all women were hurt by beauty competitions. They argued that the contest declared that the most important thing about a woman is how she looks by parading women around like cattle to show off their physical attributes. All women were made to believe they were inferior because they couldn't measure up to Miss America beauty standards. (Freeman)[6]

From this stemmed the myth of burning of the bras. The women didn’t actually burn their bras in protest but this protest set a precedent for later feminist protests in which bras were burned in homage to this event. Women are viewed as equals presently, so now where do breasts and bras fit in with today’s society?

How would you juxtapose bra sizes and society? Bra sizes range from 30AAA to 50DD. They cover a large array of women, fitting everyone from small preteens to very blessed women. Society itself is more diverse, unique, and fitting towards all people. All sizes and shapes fit in the American society, a slight juxtaposition.

Breasts and their supporting lead, bras, directly mirror our outlook on life. Take Madonna’s iconic pointed bra worn during her "Blonde Ambition" tour in 1990 designed by top fashion designer Jean-Paul Gaultier. It became a renaissance or rebirth of breasts and bras as a statement. It made her a stand out female artist whose works became timeless and inspirational to young girls. Her pointed bra still has influence on today’s pop icons. Pop icons like Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Rihanna have all had their Madonna inspired outfit. They all have become their own pioneers in fashion, music, and pop culture, following in Madonna footsteps.

Bras and breasts have become more of a fashion accessory instead of necessity. Breast implants have been said to be done since the late 1800’s. Breast implants became approved by the FDA in 1988. At first only the wealthy got implants but quickly the numbers rose including just the average house wife. According to Docshop.com, 212,500 women got breast implants in 2000. That number rose to 307,230 in 2008 and dropped to 289,328. (DocShop.com) All this can be seen as a reflection of the superficial nature of our society. The mentality of bigger is better and more equals power.

All in all breasts are just a body part and bras are just what keeps them contained. One cannot say that without either of them history would have occurred. They just happen to appear and make a statement when history is feeling the more rambunctious, rebellious, or inspired. Societies with an open view towards them tend to have a more open view of women’s right. They give women reasons to stand up against society norms. They girl women something to set them apart from men. You may say it’s all a coincidence but breasts always make for an interesting topic.

Bibliography

Botticelli, Sandro. Birth of Venus. Galleria degli Uffizi, Florence.

DocShop.com. 2009. 29 January 2011 .

Egyptian. Wall Fragment from the Tomb of Amenemhet and His Wife Hemet. The Art Institute of Chicago Collection , Middle Kingdom, Dynasty 12.

Freeman, Jo. JoFreeman.com. n.d. 29 January 2011 .

Köhler, Carl. A History of Costume. New York: Dover Publications, 1928.

Minoan. Figure of Snake Goddess. Archaeological Museum of Herakleion.

Narada, Ty. n.d. 30 January 2011 .

Unknown. Apollo Kitharoedos. Staatliche Museen zu Berlin--Preussischer Kulturbesitz. Antikensammlung. Roman copy of a 4th century BCE Greek original. n.d.

---

Suburbia.... Latest Version.... Might change soon, again! :)

It was the typical suburbia, identical white stucco houses on a perfectly straight road. Neat little lawns with one tree in front left corner, perpendicular driveways that pull up into two car garages. Between each house, a white fence approximately four feet high with tidy flowerbeds lining each. Every morning the Duroville Examiner would arrive at exactly 6:30 and would be greeted by the men on their way to work, each in their compact cars. It was called Tranquility Meadows, a small suburban town with a population of about seventy people, caught somewhere in the loop of time.
Mr. Howard Petersen was one of these men. He would wake up at exactly 6:00 am., shower, brush his teeth, comb his full head of hair, and make his way downstairs into the kitchen where his wife, Claire, would greet him with breakfast: two slices of bacon, one over easy egg, and a steaming cup of coffee. After eating, he’d kiss his wife and walk out the door, briefcase in hand, pick up the newspaper, read the front page, walk to his car, and leave for work. It took him about ten minutes to get to Duroville, park, and enter into the large sky riser that housed his law firm on the twelfth floor. Mr. Petersen had been a lawyer now for about forty-four years. He'd graduated third in his class from the top law school in the country. From there he got hired on with the second best law firm to slowly work his way up to the point where after twenty-three years later he started his own law firm. Shortly after starting his law firm, he met Claire at a country club. They were married seven months later. As a wedding present, Howard bought her the perfect suburban house she'd dreamed of ever since she was a little girl. They had the perfect marriage.
Shortly after Howard would leave, his daughter, Ashlee, would wake up and make her way sleepily down to the kitchen where she too was greeted with breakfast: one piece of bacon, scrambled eggs, and a piece of toast. After breakfast, she would make her way up to her room and get ready for school. She was a senior at Duroville High, Student Body President, and the only brunette with blue eyes; making her the prettiest girl in school. She was average height and perfectly built (slim with just the right amount of curves.) Her smile was white and straight, no braces were ever needed. An hour later her captain of the football team boyfriend, Trent Sorenson, would pick her up and take her to school.

While Ashlee and Mr. Petersen were gone, Claire Petersen busied herself with housework. She tidied the house for her first few hours alone and then would step outside for some fresh air. If the weather was warm, she'd go out to her flowerbeds and make sure everything was perfect. Some days, neighboring housewives would come over to gossip over their knitting needles and yarn. A half an hour before Mr. Petersen arrived home from work, Claire would go upstairs to the bedroom to her vanity and freshen up. She then would head back downstairs to start dinner. She enjoyed being a housewife.
Around 3:00 pm., Ashlee would arrive home followed shortly by Mr. Petersen. Ashlee would go up stairs and work on her homework until her mother called her for dinner at 4:30. Most nights after dinner, she would stare out her bedroom window at the house next door. The house next to the Petersen’s was the only empty house in all of Tranquility Meadows. Its lawn hadn’t been mowed since Mrs. Jones, the 81 year old widow, died a year ago. It was the black spot on the perfection. This life is the way it had always been, as long as Ashlee could remember and this was the way it was until the summer after she graduated high school.
Late one summer evening a month after her eighteenth birthday, Ashlee was sitting in her room primping while waiting for Trent to come and pick her up for a date. A noise out on the street startled her so she ran to her window and peered out. An old, bright blue pick up truck sat parked outside the empty house. Its bed was filled with sheet cover items. A man appeared from inside the truck. His pants were torn; his stained white shirt clung tight to his tan muscular form. Whiskers speckled his face, his dark hair was messy. Ashlee watched his as he reached the door and unlocked it. A light flickered inside. Wanting to get another glimpse at him she continued staring out of her window.
A honk from Trent’s car broke her trance and brought her back to her senses. She grabbed her purse and ran down the stairs. When she emerged from the front door she glanced to her right at the house just as the man glanced over in her direction. Their eyes met. Time seemed to slow as Ashlee looked deep into the man’s brown eyes: her heart sped, breath quickened, and face reddened. The feel of Trent’s hand in hers brought her back into sync with the world around her. “It’s not nice to stare babe.” Trent’s deep voice sent shivers down her spine, the kind of shivers one feels when being sucked back into reality, realizing that one had just been in another dimension of time or so Ashlee felt.
As the car sped away, Ashlee glanced back; the man was still standing on the doorstep looking back at her. When she could no longer see him she turned her head back around and let out a few short breaths. “Baby, are you ok? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m fine,” Ashlee heard herself say, but was she really, she didn’t know. Who is that man? That thought occupied her mind the rest of the night, even as she kissed Trent good night. Once inside her house, she rushed past her mom, who was waiting by the stairs to hear about her night, up into her room and locked her door. Grabbing her chair from her desk in the corner of her room, she walked to her window, opened it, set the chair down just right so she could see out of her window but still not look like some sort of a creep.
The lights were on in the room level with Ashlee’s but there was no movement. After a moment, she began to question herself. Why was she doing this? Why was she so interested in the man? Why did she need to see him again? Her mind rushed with these thought until a slight creep on a door hinge in the house yanked her from her mind. There he was. Suddenly she realized that if he looked over he would see her. Quietly she slid her chair behind and knelt on the floor and peered out of the bottom corner of her window. Dazed she watch as he brought box after box into the room until they filled the room. He then started opening them one by one: this was his room.
A knock on Ashlee’s bedroom door jolted her back once again. Startled she ran into her chair which fell over causing a huge racket. Hoping that he hadn’t heard she glanced back. He had hurried to his window to see what had made the noise. Eye contact.

“Ashlee, honey, is everything ok? What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”
“No, mom I’m fine,” she lied, “I just ran into my chair, how silly of me,” she said as she frantically put her chair back at her desk and opened the door. There her mom stood in her baby pink nightgown with a glass of water in her hand.
“Is everything ok, honey? You seemed a little upset when you got home tonight. Is everything fine with you and Trent?” Ashlee sensed the worry in her voice. She liked Trent. Ashlee even sometimes caught her on the phone with one of her book club friends talking about the wedding. Trent hadn't even proposed yet, Ashlee doubted whether he would or not.
“Everything is fine Mom, I’m just really tired that’s all,” Ashlee lied again making her way to her dresser pulling out a pair of pajamas.
“Ok, good night dear,” her mom said as she pulled the door closed. Ashlee took a deep breath as she pulled off her clothes, set them in the dirty clothes basket and slipped into her pajamas. When she crossed the room to turn off the light she glanced out the window. The light was still on but the room was empty. She switched off the light and climbed into bed. Sleep came in short bursts, weaved in and out with dreams of the man. There was something about him that took over Ashlee’s entire unconscious mind.
When morning’s light trickled into Ashlee’s room, she was already awake. Anxious, she jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. Mrs. Petersen was busy at the stove cooking wearing her bright red dress, her short blond hair flipped out at the ends. Mr. Petersen looked surprised to see his daughter awake. “You’re up early, sweetie,” his raspy but calming voice broke the silence that had filled the air, “is everything ok? Did you have a bad dream?”
“No daddy I’m fine,” he always treated her like she was still a child. Frantically she searched her brain for a reason why she was awake so early, “I just couldn’t sleep any longer, today is such a beautiful day.” Did they buy it? That was a horrible excuse. I’m such an idiot; they’re going to know something is up. Ashlee was nervous.
“You’re right. Today is going to be a marvelous day.” Her mom spun around holding a plate filled with two slices of bacon and one over easy egg. “And do you know why it’s going to be a marvelous day? Because it’s the third Thursday of the month,” she said without waiting for a response. She was beaming. Ashlee knew what this meant: book club. But this wasn’t any normal book club day; it was the day that Ashlee would be accepted into the book club circle because she was now eighteen. It was a vicious cycle; her mother had been accepted into the book club by her mother who had been accepted into the book club by her mother and so on. There was no evading it. Ashlee was now doomed to spend every third Thursday of every month for the rest of her life with a bunch of aristocratic ladies, gossiping about everybody and anybody worth talking about.
After eating breakfast as slowly as possible, she trudged her way up stairs to her room. As she walked past the open window, her mind completely forgot everything. There he was in a tight white tank top and gray shorts, sitting on a bed that had been moved into the room. He was writing. What was he writing? Was it about me? Ashlee laughed at that last thought. He probably didn’t even know she existed but then he looked up. He saw her. Time slowed again. She could hear her heart beat. It was then that she realized that she was still in her pajamas, no make up, her hair was messy but then something unexpected happened: he stood. In shock, Ashlee just watched as he put down his notebook and pen, slowly walked to his window and opened it. She reached the window. Silence.
Their eyes were fixed on each other. Neither one could speak. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes seemed like hours. Unspoken feelings surged between them. A smile formed on his face. “Hi,” his voice was deep, calm, and soothing. Ashlee’s insides jumped. “I don’t really know what to say. I’m captivated by you and I don’t even know your name.”

“Ashlee, Ashlee Petersen,” her voice was quiet.
“Ashlee, I’m Breckon Thorburn.” Silence followed. They sat staring deep into each other’s eyes. Transfixed on each other, neither daring to look away or blink for fear that they would wake up.
“Ashlee,” her mom’s shrill voice broke their dream-like state, “Sweetie, are you almost ready? The ladies are going to be here momentarily.”
“Umm, yea Mom,” she said as she look down at her pajamas then back up at Breckon. “I’ll be down in a minute.” She waited until she heard her mom’s footsteps go down the stairs.
“I’m sorry; I’ve got to get ready. I’m getting inducted into my mom’s book club. It’s a long standing tradition in my mom’s family. She’s really excited.”
“Are you?” Breckon’s voice was calm but inquisitive.
“Am I what?”
“Excited?”
“No, I’d rather not spend the rest of my life gossiping with old ladies.”
“Well what do you want to be doing?”
Be with you, She thought. “Umm, I’m not sure. Be anywhere but here, that’s for sure” Breckon smiled. The sound of car doors brought panic to Ashlee. “Crap, I really need to get ready. I’ll talk to you later ok?” She didn’t even wait to hear his response, she ran into her closet and grabbed out her mom’s favorite dress and ran into her bathroom to get dressed. Ashlee hated the dress. It was white with lace trimming on the collar and the bottom of the skirt that landed just beneath her knees.
When she was dress she rushed back into her room to her vanity and ran a brush through her long hair. Quickly she put powder on, mascara and a little bit of blush. That’s going to have to do, she thought. When she walked past her window a whistle caught her attention. She stopped and walked to her window. “How do I look?” She said jokingly.
“Beautiful,” Breckon called with a smile. Ashlee’s face lit up as she walked out her room and down the stairs. The smell of old lady perfume greeted her as she entered the living room. The room was filled with ladies with bright red lipstick, fancy hair, and expensive jewelry. The youngest one there other than her was her mother, who just happened to be forty-eight.
They were already gossiping when Ashlee’s mom announced her arrival. She stood. “Attention ladies, if I can have your attention please.” All eyes shifted to Ashlee, “I’d like to introduce you to my daughter, Ashlee Marie Petersen.” Mutters filled the room. Quickly Ashlee took her seat next to her mother who was sitting on the other side of the room. The room gradually got louder as refreshments were served.
Pretty soon the ladies forgot she was even there. They gossiped about the cute postman and the new guy next door. “Did you see his pickup truck?” One would say.
“Claire, I don’t know how you’ve been able to stand living next to that dump,” another would say to Ashlee’s mom, and so on.
Ashlee’s head began to hurt between thoughts of Breckon and the aroma of perfume mixed with tea. Politely she excused herself and suck into the kitchen for a glass of water and fresh air. She glance at the back door that led into the backyard.
Before she knew it she was slipping out the back door and climbing over the short fence. What am I doing, she thought but that did stop her. She reached the back door, her heart was pounding. She knocked. Moments passed. Maybe he didn’t hear? What am I going to do when he answers the door? She began to turn back around when she heard the door knob turned. She turned around. There in the doorway was Breckon with his shirt off, his hair was wet. “Hey, I didn’t expect you to be here. I was just getting out of the shower, sorry it took so long. Aren’t you supposed to be at book club or something like that?”

“Ya, I left early. I was getting fumigated. I’m sorry to bother you, I just had to get away, I probably should go.” She turned and started walking away.

“Would you like to come in?” Ashlee stopped, turned and looked into his eyes and smiled. She followed him into his kitchen. Boxes were stacked on the table; cupboards were opened and partially full of plates and cups. The air was musty. ”Welcome to my humble home,” he said with a smile. She followed him into his living room. Dusty white sheets covered the couches, a few boxes sat on the floor, opened. Inside, Ashlee saw many worn and well-read books. Breckon sat down on a couch, dust flew into the air. “You can sit down if you want to, you might get dust on your pretty dress,” he said sarcastically.

“It’s ok I hate this dress anyways,” she said as she sat down next to him with a puff of dust. A still silence followed, Ashlee didn’t know what to say.

After a minute or two, Breckon broke the silence, his voice was quiet and rich, “I, I can’t stop thinking about you. Ever since I saw you yesterday, every moment is spent thinking about you. I barely even know your name. I know nothing about you but it seems like I’ve known you a very long time.”

Ashlee turned and faced him. He smells so good, she thought. She felt warm. Her heart fluttered as he looked deep into her eyes. “I know what you mean. I’ve been overtaken by thoughts of you and honestly I don’t mind,” but before she could go on speaking, he kissed her. Thoughts were lost. Unspoken words were spoken, hearts were fused, feelings were shared in just one kiss. When they pulled apart, their hands clasped each other as they sat staring into each other’s eyes.

“You were saying?” Breckon said with a smile.

“I’m sorry, were we talking,” Ashlee said with a cheesy smile. From there they talked for about two hours. Ashlee learned that Breckon was twenty-one and from a completely different world Ashlee was used to. She learned that he was an only child and his parents had died about six years ago in a car accident on their way home from their tenth anniversary trip at a beach house twelve hours to the west of Duroville. After they died he went to live a family friend who had three kids around his age in a small town called Doover. Doover was a farming town where people worked for the things they need and not for the things they want. He learned how to work on a farm and survive on his own. He spent his time growing up hauling hay, repairing worn down tractors, and other task Ashlee never even dreamed of doing. At the age of eighteen, he moved out of the country to Lilington, a big city about thirty minutes south of Duroville. He was a senior at the local university there studying to become an English teacher when his grandmother, Mrs. Jones, passed away due to a stroke (he was the last living relative, so naturally he inherited her house along with a small sum of money.) He would've moved to Duroville a year ago but he had just begun the Fall semester in school and wanted to wait until he graduated before moving. He was currently looking for a job so that he could finish paying off his school. Ashlee was in awe at his life. In all of her life in Tranquility Meadows, she'd never heard someone's story quite like his.

Ashlee looked outside and saw that all of the cars were gone from the front of her house. “I should go, it’s getting late,” she said worriedly. She stood but Breckon grabbed he hand and pulled her back. He stood, brushed her hair off of her face and kissed her again. “Really I should…” Kiss. “My mom’s probably worried…” Kiss. Slowly they made their way to the front door, kissing the whole way there. “I really need to go, but I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t.” Ashlee was lost for words she actually wanted to stay. She felt herself falling for Breckon more and more by the second, this frightened and excited her all at the same time.

“Meet me at your window, we can try and talk then. I really must go; they’re probably worried about me. I’ll come back when I can.” After a long kiss goodbye, Ashlee slipped dazedly out of the front door and made her way to her house. She glanced back and saw Breckon peering out of his living room window.

When she walked in her house, her parents were sitting in the living room. Mr. Petersen was reading the newspaper in his usual chair and Mrs. Petersen was talking busily on her phone with one of the ladies from book club. “Hey sweetie, dinner is on the table,” her mom called as she walked past.

“It’s ok, I’m not hungry,” Ashlee said as she hurried up the stairs. When she made it to her room, she locked her door. Breckon’s light was already on; she could see him sitting on his bed starring at her window. He saw her and walked to his window and opened it. “One sec,” Ashlee called. She hurried into her closet and grabbed a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt and ran into her bathroom to change. She threw her dress on her bed and ran to the window. “Sorry, I had to get out of that awful dress.” Breckon laughed.

“Is it creepy that I miss you?” Breckon called.

“No, because I feel it too, I feel like you’re so far away even though you’re just right there.” Thoughts in Ashlee’s head began to spin. A plan formed. She told Breckon that she was going to sneak out after it got dark. She had to be with him again. Being without him felt alien and strange, it was like she’d been with him her whole life and was now being torn away from him.

A few hours later the sun set, Ashlee waited until she heard her parents retire to their bedroom. She silently crept down the stairs, avoiding the second one from the bottom because it squeaked. She made her way outside through the back door, over the fence, and to the door. Breckon answered the door quickly. He greeted her with a kiss.

They sat for a minute or two in his kitchen just holding each other. He grabbed her hand and took her up the stairs to his room. They climbed onto his bed and sat there holding each other. Ashlee felt at home in his arms, she never wanted to leave. Words were useless as they laid there. She could feel his heart beat as she laid there on his chest. Sleep slowly came upon them. Tonight sleep was perfect.

When Ashlee woke to a thin light creeping through the window, the sun was just beginning to rise. To her surprise, she was all alone in a big bed. At first she was a little dazed and didn't know where she was but then slowly the memory of the day before flooded her mind. She had fallen asleep in Breckon's arms. So where was he? Slowly she climbed out of the bed and crept down stairs. Lights were on in the kitchen. Quietly she crept through the door. The kitchen was lifeless. One by one, she wandered through each of the rooms in the house finding each one filled with only cardboard boxes and tattered furniture. Confused, she sat on the dusty couch. After a while she decided that she should probably head home. But how? Mom's probably already awake. What time is it? Please say she hasn't gone into my room. What should I say if I get caught?

A noise at in the kitchen brought her back to the present. She looked up just in time to see Breckon walking into the living room. “You're awake?” he said slightly startled. “I thought I'd still find you sleeping like an angel in my bed when I returned.” Ashlee smiled. She could tell by the way he looked that he'd just been exercising. “Are you hungry?”

“A little,” then she thought about it, “I'm starving!” she said with a giggle. Breckon couldn't resist her smile. He swept her up into his arms and kissed her lightly. She smiled again and glanced up into his eyes. There they sat holding one another, lost in each other's eyes until Ashlee's stomach growled breaking the trance. Her cheeks reddened with embarrassment, he kissed her again and set her on the counter and began making his signature breakfast, scrambled eggs. Ashlee sat, lightly humming to herself mesmerized by the brilliance of Breckon, following his movements absentmindedly with her sleepy eyes. Every movement was not lost in her gaze. She began to feel as if the world she'd been living in for the past eighteen years of her life was a figment of her imagination, a dream world, and this was real. Is this real? She thought, Am I lost in some fanciful dream? This feels so real, but how can it be?

After the scrambled eggs were ready, Breckon scooped Ashlee up and placed her next to him, handing her a fork. They ate the eggs straight out of the warm pan, sitting on a blanket next to the stove – the table was heaped with boxes– something that she had never done before. They sat laughing and chatting, discussing silly little get-to-know-you questions like: what's your favorite color, where would you live if you could live anywhere, etc. They both discovered they were more alike than they thought. Their dream lives already seemed intertwined. They both dreamed of achieving greater things in life. A noise outside on the street brought them back to reality. Ashlee glanced out the window just in time to see Mr. Petersen drive off to work. “I should probably go home; my mom is going to be expecting me to be awake soon. We’re heading into town to go shopping. My dad has a few days of vacation in two weeks and so we’re going on a family outing to the beach.” Ashlee said reluctantly. Guilt then slowly sickened her. The Petersons weren’t the only ones going to the beach, Trent’s family was also going to be there. In her dreamy daze, she’d forgotten all about Trent.

The Lost (Revised) | Kaytlen Bennett

ACT 1, Scene 1


(Single spotlight, front stage left on AIDEN she’s laying on the ground. She stirs. Slowly she sits up, looks around. She’s confused.)

AIDEN
Well, that’s weird. (She looks around.) I don’t remember how I got here. Where is here exactly?

(She stands and walks around the stage, spotlight follows her. She makes her way to center stage and stops. Beat. Slowly, she walks towards the front of the stage. When she reaches the front of the stage she runs into an invisible wall. She backs up. Beat. A light shines from back stage right. HEIDI and CARTER enter walking slowly along the back of the stage. CARTER is wearing a letterman’s jacket and HEIDI is in a tweed skirt and a button up blouse. A spotlight follows them. AIDEN doesn’t notice them.)

HEIDI
I honestly can’t believe she said that.

(AIDEN is startled. She notices HEIDI and CARTER and rushes towards them. They don’t notice her.)

AIDEN
Heidi? Carter? I’m so glad you two are here! I was so lost. What’s going on here? Who are you talking about?

HEIDI
She is so freaking unbearable, I do not know how Jake (AIDEN is shocked) can stand being her boyfriend that.

AIDEN
(talks over HEIDI)
Excuse me, Why are you talking about Jake? Is he ok?

HEIDI
I would’ve seriously like ripped my ears…

AIDEN
Hello? Can you please help me?

HEIDI
… off if I was him.

CARTER
I know what you mean baby, her voice is so annoying. I can’t even stand being in the room with her for too long, come on let’s get some lunch.

AIDEN
Wait come back, please. Who’s voice? What are you guys talking about? Why are you ignoring me? What did I do to deserve the silent treatment?

(She follows them as they exit off stage left. Beat. AIDEN enters and sits stage front right.)

AIDEN
Well that was (pause) odd. They just (pause) faded off. I must be dreaming. Yeah, that’s it I’m dreaming, alright Aiden wake up. One, two, three wake up. Right now. Ok now.

(AIDEN looks around, pinches herself. Disappointed, stands up. Beat. A light shines from back stage left. JOHN and KAYT enter holding hands, JOHN pantomimes walking a dog. Spotlight follows them as they cross to front center stage and stop. AIDEN looks up at them, stands and watches them.)

JOHN
Skippy, sit. Good dog. (Crouches down, petting the invisible dog.)


KAYT
Honey? (JOHN ignores her) John, babe?

(JOHN Stands and looks at her. AIDEN is confused, she looks at where the dog should be and then at JOHN and KAYT. She makes her way towards them, slowly.)

KAYT
Are you sure we’re going the right way? I thought the dog park was two blocks south of Main Street.

JOHN
We are two blocks North of Main Street, I’m sure of it. The park should be right over there. (pointing out into the audience.) I hope no one is allergic to Skippy (looks down, talking to invisible dog with a babying voice) Huh, boy? That’d be just awful wouldn’t it?

KAYT
Ok I’ll trust you. But next time I’m driving, this walk is turning out to more of a hike. C’mon let’s hurry we’re going to be late. They all are waiting for us. Did I tell you that Jake’s bringing a new girl? I can’t wait to see how she compares to that wicked little back-stabber. I don’t know what he was thinking when he started dating her. O well, at least he’s done away with her. Come on Skippy. (Motioning to the invisible dog.)

AIDEN
Jake? (pause) New girl? Wait…

(JOHN and KAYT begin walking towards the front of the stage. They pass AIDEN. They don’t notice her.)

AIDEN
Excuse me? At least tell me, do you know where we are? I’m lost and I’m getting kind of worried, if you could please just help me that would be great and I promise that I won’t let your little lie ruin your social standing.

(JOHN and KAYT continue of the front of the stage. AIDEN tries to follow but hits the invisible wall hard and falls to the ground. The spotlight turns off on JOHN and KAYT as they disappear into the audience. Beat. AIDEN sits up rubbing her head.)

AIDEN
This is all very strange. Why I couldn’t see the dog? There was a dog I’m sure of it. How’d they get past that, that, wall? Am I going crazy? No, they were crazy! Why is everyone talking about Jake? Why are they blowing me off? Don’t they recognize who I am? I’m this year’s Homecoming Queen, student body president, captain of the varsity volleyball team. Who do they think they are? What’s gotten into everybody? I’m so confused. I just want to go home! There’s got to be a way out here.

(AIDEN stands and begins wandering around the stage as if looking for an exit. After a moment she goes to the front stage right and starts feeling her way along the invisible wall. When she reaches center stage MARK runs on stage from back stage right, pantomiming catching a Frisbee. Pantomimes throwing it towards where he entered, JACKSON runs on stage catching it.)

MARK
Nice catch, man. So have you asked her yet?

JACKSON
No way, I can’t even get close to her without breaking a sweat. I don’t know man maybe I just shouldn’t. After all Jake did just break up with her. (Throws invisible Frisbee, MARK catches it.)

AIDEN
Jake? (pause) Jake broke up with me? What? (pause) What’s going on? We didn’t break up!

(AIDEN stands and walks towards them, shocked.)

AIDEN
Umm, excuse me? Jackson, what are you talking about?

(MIKE and JACKSON continue throwing the invisible Frisbee to each other from different points around the stage.)

MARK
Dude you’re such an idiot. This is your last homecoming, man. Why not go with the women of your dreams? Besides she’ll be looking for a rebound guy and you know what that means. (Smiles and laughs slightly to himself) Come on the guys are probably waiting for us.

(MARK and JACKSON start off stage left.)

AIDEN
Please, wait. I’m lost, can you help me please? Please. (She rushes after them.)

(They ignore her and exit. AIDEN sits, front stage left.)

AIDEN
Jake? How could you?

(AIDEN covers her face and starts crying.)

(Beat)

(Blackout.)






ACT 1, Scene 2


(Two spotlights. One is front stage left on AIDEN she’s laying on the ground. The second spotlight is on JAKE, he’s laying on the ground front stage right. AIDEN stirs. Slowly she sits up, looks around. She’s confused.)

AIDEN
Well, that’s weird. (She looks around.) I don’t remember how I got here. Where is here exactly?

JAKE
Aiden? (Sits up looks around. He notices AIDEN and stands. He tries running to her but hits an invisible wall, center stage. He feels his way along it while watching AIDEN)

(ADIEN stands and walks around the stage, spotlight follows her. She doesn’t notice JAKE. She makes her way to center stage and stops. Beat. Slowly, she walks towards the front of the stage. When she reaches the front of the stage she runs into an invisible wall. She backs up. Beat. A light shines from back stage right. HEIDI and CARTER enter walking slowly along the back of the stage. JAKE can’t see them. CARTER is wearing a letterman’s jacket and HEIDI is in a tweed skirt and a button up blouse. Lights are dim, but spotlights are still on JAKE and AIDEN. AIDEN doesn’t notice them.)

HEIDI
I honestly can’t believe she said that.

(AIDEN is startled. She notices HEIDI and CARTER and rushes towards them. They don’t notice her.)

AIDEN
Heidi? Carter? I’m so glad you two are here! I was so lost. What’s going on here? Who are you talking about?

JAKE
Aiden, baby who are you talking to? There’s no one here but us.

HEIDI
She is so freaking unbearable, I do not know how Jake (AIDEN is shocked) can stand being her boyfriend that.

AIDEN
(talks over HEIDI)
Excuse me, Why are you talking about Jake? Is he ok?

JAKE
Aiden, who’s talking about me? Nothing has happened to me. I’m right here baby.

HEIDI
I would’ve seriously like ripped my ears…

AIDEN
Hello? Can you please help me?

JAKE
What? Aiden come here, I’ll help you.

HEIDI
… off if I was him.

CARTER
I know what you mean baby, her voice is so annoying. I can’t even stand being in the room with her for too long, come on let’s get some lunch.

AIDEN
Wait come back, please. Who’s voice? What are you guys talking about? Why are you ignoring me? What did I do to deserve the silent treatment?

JAKE
Silent treatment? Honestly, if anything you’re the one giving… wait! Where are you going? (Stands against the invisible wall)

(She follows them as they exit off stage left. Beat. AIDEN enters and sits stage front right. JAKE comes over and places his arms around her, she doesn’t notice.)

AIDEN
Well that was…

JAKE
What was what?

AIDEN
… odd. They just (pause) faded off. I must be dreaming. Yeah, that’s it I’m dreaming, alright Aiden wake up. One, two, three wake up. Right now. Ok now.

JAKE
Baby, you’re not sleeping. You’re here with me. Please talk to me.

(AIDEN looks around, pinches herself. Disappointed, stands up, JAKE stands with her, confused. Beat. A light shines from back stage left. JOHN and KAYT enter holding hands, JOHN pantomimes walking a dog. Spotlight follows them as they cross to front center stage and stop. AIDEN looks up at them, stands and watches them. JAKE notices that AIDEN is looking at something.)

JAKE
What is it? What are you looking at? Is there something there?

JOHN
Skippy, sit. Good dog. (Crouches down, petting the invisible dog.)


KAYT
Honey? (JOHN ignores her) John, babe?

(JOHN Stands and looks at her. AIDEN is confused, she looks at where the dog should be and then at JOHN and KAYT. She makes her way towards them, slowly. JAKE follows them.)

JAKE
What are you looking at?

KAYT
Are you sure we’re going the right way? I thought the dog park was two blocks south of Main Street.

JOHN
We are two blocks North of Main Street, I’m sure of it. The park should be right over there. (pointing out into the audience.) I hope no one is allergic to Skippy (looks down, talking to invisible dog with a babying voice) Huh, boy? That’d be just awful wouldn’t it?

KAYT
Ok I’ll trust you. But next time I’m driving, this walk is turning out to more of a hike. C’mon let’s hurry we’re going to be late. They all are waiting for us. Did I tell you that Jake’s bringing a new girl? I can’t wait to see how she compares to that wicked little back-stabber. I don’t know what he was thinking when he started dating her. O well, at least he’s done away with her. Come on Skippy. (Motioning to the invisible dog.)

AIDEN
Jake?

JAKE
Yes?

AIDEN
New girl? Wait…

JAKE
O no, you found out about that? Look I can…
(JOHN and KAYT begin walking towards the front of the stage. They pass AIDEN and JAKE. They don’t notice either of them.)

AIDEN
Excuse me? At least tell me, do you know where we are? I’m lost and I’m getting kind of worried, if you could please just help me that would be great and I promise that I won’t let your little lie ruin your social standing.

JAKE
Look, Aid, baby. I was going to tell you about that you see…

(JOHN and KAYT continue of the front of the stage. AIDEN tries to follow but hits the invisible wall hard and falls to the ground. The spotlight turns off on JOHN and KAYT as they disappear into the audience. Beat. AIDEN sits up rubbing her head. JAKE kneels down and kisses her forehead, she doesn’t notice.)

JAKE
Are you alright? (JAKE feels the invisible wall on the front of the stage.) It seems like you’re in a box too (laughs).

AIDEN
This is all very strange. Why I couldn’t see the dog? There was a dog I’m sure of it. How’d they get past that, that, wall? Am I going crazy? No, they were crazy! Why is everyone talking about Jake? Why are they blowing me off? Don’t they recognize who I am? I’m this year’s Homecoming Queen, student body president, captain of the varsity volleyball team. Who do they think they are? What’s gotten into everybody? I’m so confused. I just want to go home! There’s got to be a way out here.

(AIDEN stands and begins wandering around the stage as if looking for an exit. JAKE stands and watches ADIEN.)

JAKE
Of course I know that baby. Look at me please. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the other girl. It was last week after the fight we had. I took her to the park with John, Kayt, and some of our other friends. But nothing…

(AIDEN goes to the front stage right and starts feeling her way along the invisible wall. When she reaches center stage MARK runs on stage from back stage right, pantomiming catching a Frisbee. Pantomimes throwing it towards where he entered, JACKSON runs on stage catching it.)

MARK
Nice catch, man. So have you asked her yet?

JACKSON
No way, I can’t even get close to her without breaking a sweat. I don’t know man maybe I just shouldn’t. After all Jake did just break up with her. (Throws invisible Frisbee, MARK catches it.)

AIDEN
Jake?

JAKE
Yea? I’m right here.

AIDEN
Jake broke up with me? What?

JAKE
How’d you hear about that?

AIDEN
What’s going on? We didn’t break up!

(AIDEN stands and walks towards them, shocked. JAKE tries to follow but is stopped by the wall. He follows along the wall towards the back of the stage.)

AIDEN
Umm, excuse me? Jackson, what are you talking about?

(MIKE and JACKSON continue throwing the invisible Frisbee to each other from different points around the stage.)

JAKE
Jackson? He’s not here, baby. He told you? Aiden this isn’t the way I wanted it to be…

MARK
Dude you’re such an idiot. This is your last homecoming, man. Why not go with the women of your dreams? Besides she’ll be looking for a rebound guy and you know what that means. (Smiles and laughs slightly to himself) Come on the guys are probably waiting for us.

(MARK and JACKSON start off stage left.)

AIDEN
Please, wait. I’m lost, can you help me please? Please. (She rushes after them.)

(They ignore her and exit. AIDEN sits, front stage left. JAKE stands front stage right, trying to get through the wall, he fails.)

AIDEN
Jake? How could you?

(AIDEN covers her face and starts crying.)


JAKE
Aiden, I’m sorry. I wish I could take this all back. I’m sorry. (pause) Where am I?

(Blackout.)

ACT 1, Scene 3

(Lights up. JAKE and AIDEN are still in their last spots frozen. The stage is filled with more people, frozen in different positions. Their faces show sorrow. NARRATOR enters stage right, walking around the people, smirking them. Talks like an infomercial.)

NARRATOR
Welcome my friends to the Land of the Lost. Do you have someone you can’t stand, loathe, or maybe even envy? Then the Land of the Lost is the place for you. This is a place where you can send those, unfortunate souls, (Smile). Each will be locked up in his or her own individual cell, forced to spend the rest of his or her dreary, self-centered existence watching the echoes of those they used to associate with, but without contact. (laugh) All you need to do is call, 1-800-941-1193, and a consultant with help you decide what type of cell and memories you’d like your (pause) little friend to (pause) enjoy. That number again is 1-800-941-1193. We’ll be looking forward to your call.

(Blackout)

One (revised) | Kaytlen Bennett

One wakes in the midst of many,
as the morning breaks.
Brothers rise together,
for another day of work.
One moves and the rest follow,
the day has begun.
The lines begin forming,
their minds already made for them.
One looks up into a sky of green,
but still marches on.
Thick blades of grass form dense forests,
surrounding the opening into the labyrinth below.
One thought shared by all others,
must follow- must work.
For Queen and fellow brother,
food found, is food shared.
One life of one endless day,
no changes allowed.
On and on the years fly,
simple, empty, and monotone.
One day of living alone,
in a world of many.

Where Did It Go | Kaytlen Bennett

There was a time when gold was dirt

and leaders were as common people.

There was a time when trees out numbered all

and animals roamed freely.

There was a time when the Moon and Stars ruled

and polution was fantasy.

There was a time when God was feared

and peace was everywhere.

There was a time when all this happened

Where did it go?

Northern Lights | Kaytlen Bennett

wind blew gently that night.
Crisp brown leaves started flying,
Around and around me as I waited.
Waiting, waiting for my first glimpse,
Of the Twilight's fireworks to begin.
Then I saw the brushstrokes of color,
Blazing on the black canvas of night.
Hours passed as I stared and gazed,
At that colorful painting in the sky.
Stroke by stoke the painting faded,
As I closed my eyes and drifted away.
Deeper,
Deeper,
Deeper,
Into my silent sleep

The Night Sky | Kaytlen Bennett

The Sun has gone to sleep,
Darkness is taking over.
Pinpoint dots fill the sky,
As many creatures wonder why.

The Moon shines brighter,
The Stars begin to sparkle,
The sky quietly twinkles,
As the Silver dew gently sprinkles.

Now with a great flash of light,
The Morning has begun to wake.
The Night Sky drifts asleep,
As the Sun now awake, begins to creep.

The Lost | Kaytlen Bennett

ACT 1

Single spotlight, front stage left on AIDEN she’s laying on the ground. She stirs. Slowly she sits up, looks around. She’s confused.

AIDEN
Well that’s weird. (She looks around.) I don’t remember how I got here. Where is here exactly?

She stands and walks around the stage, spotlight follows her. She makes her way to center stage and stops. Beat. Slowly, she walks towards the front of the stage. When she reaches the front of the stage she runs into an invisible wall. She backs up. Beat. A light shines from back stage right. HEIDI and CARTER enter walking slowly along the back of the stage. CARTER is wearing a letterman’s jacket and HEIDI is in a tweed skirt and a button up blouse. A spotlight follows them. AIDEN doesn’t notice them.

HEIDI
I honestly can’t believe that she said that.

AIDEN is startled. She notices HEIDI and CARTER and rushes towards them. They don’t notice her.

HEIDI
She is so freaking unbearable, I do not know how Jake can stand being her boyfriend. I would..

AIDEN
(talks over HEIDI)
Excuse me.

HEIDI
... seriously like rip my ears…

AIDEN
Hello? Can you please help me?

HEIDI
… off if I was him.

CARTER
I know what you mean baby, come on let’s get some lunch.

AIDEN
Wait come back, please.

She follows them as they exit off stage left. Beat. AIDEN enters and sits stage front right.

AIDEN
Well that was (pause) odd. They like just faded off. I must be dreaming. Yeah, that’s it I’m dreaming, alright Aiden wake up. One, two, three wake up. Right now. Ok now.

AIDEN looks around, pinches herself. Disappointed, stands up. Beat. A light shines from back stage left. JOHN and KAYTLEN enter holding hands, spot light on them as they cross to center stage and stop. JOHN pantomimes walking a dog. AIDEN looks up at them. Stands and watches them.

JOHN
(Looking down at invisible dog.)
Skippy, sit. Good dog.

KAYTLEN
Honey. (JOHN ignores her) John, babe.

JOHN Stands and looks at her. AIDEN is confused, she looks at where the dog should be and then at JOHN and KAYTLEN. She makes her way towards them.

KAYTLEN
Are you sure we’re going the right way? I thought the dog park was two blocks south of Main Street.

JOHN
We are two blocks north of Main Street, I’m sure of it. The dog park should be right over there. (pointing out into the audience.)

KAYTLEN
Ok I’ll trust you. Let’s hurry we’re going to be late. Come on Skippy. (motioning to the invisible dog.)

JOHN and KAYTLEN begin walking towards the front of the stage. They pass AIDEN. They don’t notice her.

AIDEN
Excuse me, do you know where we are? I’m lost and I’m getting kind of worried, if you could please help me that would be great.

JOHN and KAYTLEN continue of the front of the stage. AIDEN tries to follow but hits the invisible wall hard and falls to the ground. The spotlight turns off on JOHN and KAYTLEN as they disappear into the audience. Beat. AIDEN sits up rubbing her head.

AIDEN
This is all very strange. What I want to know is why I couldn’t see the dog. There was a dog I’m sure of it. Am I going crazy, or maybe they were crazy. It seems that I can’t go past that spot but how did they? I’m so confused. I just want to go home! There’s got to be a way out here.

AIDEN stands and begins wandering around the stage as if looking for an exit. After a moment she goes to the front stage right and starts feeling her way along the invisible wall. When she reaches center stage MARK runs on stage pantomiming catching a Frisbee. Pantomimes throwing it towards where he entered, JACKSON runs on stage catching it.

MARK
Nice catch, man. So have you asked her yet?

JACKSON
No way, I can’t even get close to her without breaking a sweat. I don’t know man maybe I just shouldn’t. (Throws invisible Frisbee, MARK catches it.)

AIDEN stands and watches them in shock. Hopeless, she tries to talk to them.

AIDEN
Umm, excuse me.

MARK
Dude you’re such an idiot. This is your last homecoming, man why not go with the women of your dreams. Come on the guys are probably waiting for us.

MARK and JACKSON start off stage right.

AIDEN
Please, wait. I’m lost, can you help me please? Please. (She rushes after them.)

They ignore her and exit. AIDEN sits, covers her face and starts crying.

Express | Kaytlen Bennett

Express yourself in every-way,
Don't let shadows fall upon you.
Stand up for yourself and others,
Show the world what you're made of!
Let no put-downs penetrate you,
Because they will only cause you harm.
Reach out and be heard by every ear,
For you are mightier than the mountain!
Let your pesinality shine and be seen,
Hide yourself no more from those around you.
Satnd on the hillside and shout your name,
Make everyone know you are independent.
You are you and you can be no one else,
And don't try to be something you're not.
Use your strengths and weakness,
Become better acquainted with yourself.
Explore your world, Experiment things,
But don't forget to always Express yourself!

Untiled | Kaytlen Bennett

Is this my life
The one that was given to me, Do I live it?
Every single day
Everything Changes, Is it by choice?
I wanna knowIs this me I'm living, Or someone else?
My cobwebbed existance
Spun by those around me, But is it true?
Who is this "me" I see
Each morning in the mirror, Is she... me?
Who is the girl they know
Is she popular, pretty, smart, Who is she?
Can someone show me
Who I am, What I'm like, How I am?
Am I lost in a world
Filled with idols and confussion, Will I escape?

Beautiful Wisdom | Kaytlen Bennett

Kids are the devil's advocates with angel disguises

What do you see? | Kaytlen Bennett

When you look at me, what do you see? Do you see a girl’s life has been perfect? Do you see a spoiled brat or something else? What do you see? I wonder if this is what you see…

I was born May 11, 1989, to a family of three girls and one boy with parents struggling to keep their marriage together. About a year after I was born, they lost that struggle and were soon divorced. I was so young that all I remember is asking my mom why my dad didn’t have sleepovers at our house like the other kids’ dads. I never really understood it until I got a little older.

Three years later my mom became a flight attendant. She was gone three to five days a week for work trying to be able to support five growing kids. Times were rough. I only got new clothes at the beginning of the school year and sometimes at Christmas. When my mom was gone we would stay with my dad who would drop us off at our house early in the morning on his way to work. One of my three sisters would get me ready and walk me to my babysitter and then go to school. I was actually too young to really realize how hard life really was.

My parents eventually got remarried: to separate people. Life got better as it got more complicated. I had new siblings, new parents and a new way of life. There was a second father figure that was living in my house, a stepmom who had different ways of raising her kids and us and a stay-at-home-mom. Life had changed I as a kid I hated it. I hated the fact that my parents were never going to get back together. I hated that I had new parents. I even hated that my mom was home because it meant less time at my dad’s and it threw off the rhythm that we had developed.

Now let’s fast-forward through elementary school, Jr. High and High School. Two of my sisters have been divorced and remarried. My eldest sister is in a marriage that frightens us. I’ve sent out a missionary who I broke up with for another soon to be missionary. I’ve graduated High School with Honors. I’m now a freshman in college, an adult.

Life has now opened its doors to me. I now have to worry about things like I’ve never had to: phone bills, possibilities of marriage, troubles with controlling parents, careers. I’m four hours away from my comfort zone in life. I’m living in a strange place with people I’ve never known. Life seems to just be dragging me on. At times I feel hopeless, alone, not worthy, not smart enough and scared.

These past couple months have been the hardest months of my life. I’ve felt homesick more often than I have not. I’ve had to try and establish relationships with people who I’ve never known. I’ve had to do a crash course in growing up. I’ve learned that responsibility isn’t all that it is cracked up to be.

I have hope that after I finish this first official semester that I will begin to get into a groove with this strange new world. Hope is all I have that is keeping me going. I hope that someday all of this work will pay off. I hope that I won’t end up the way my family expects me to: divorced. I hope that someday I will make a difference in this world, maybe save someone’s life. I hope that I will marry my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. I hope that I will be somebody.

Now if you are wondering why I am opening up and sharing a part of my life and my feelings on life, I’ll tell you why. It’s because I fear that I will end up as just a blur, a nameless face in a crowd or someone no one remembers. If by reading this you know just a small bit about who I am and what I’ve been through then maybe you will understand who I’ve become and my potential. Now maybe someday I won’t be forgotten. Maybe you will remember me, whoever you are, even if it’s just my name, you would still have remembered me. Then and only then maybe I will live on in your subconscious mind, barely remembered, but remembered still. Thank you.

Suburbia cont. | Kaytlen Bennett

Before she knew it she was slipping out the back door and climbing over the short fence. What am I doing, she thought but that did stop her. She reached the back door, her heart was pounding. She knocked. Moments passed. Maybe he didn’t hear? What am I going to do when he answers the door? She began to turn back around when she heard the door knob turned. She turned around. There in the doorway was Breckon with his shirt off, his hair was wet. “Hey, I didn’t expect you to be here. I was just getting out of the shower, sorry it took so long. Aren’t you supposed to be at book club or something like that?”

“Ya, I left early. I was getting fumigated. I’m sorry to bother you, I just had to get away, I probably should go.” She turned and started walking away.

“Would you like to come in?” Ashlee stopped, turned and looked into his eyes and smiled. She followed him into his kitchen. Boxes were stacked on the table; cupboards were opened and partially full of plates and cups. The air was musty. ”Welcome to my humble home,” he said with a smile. She followed him into his living room. Dusty white sheets covered the couches, a few boxes sat on the floor, opened. Inside, Ashlee saw many worn and well-read books. Breckon sat down on a couch, dust flew into the air. “You can sit down if you want to, you might get dust on your pretty dress,” he said sarcastically.

“It’s ok I hate this dress anyways,” she said as she sat down next to him with a puff of smoke. Awkward silence followed, Ashlee didn’t know what to say.

After a minute or two, Breckon broke the silence, his voice was quiet, “I, I can’t stop thinking about you. Ever since I saw you yesterday, every moment is spent thinking about you. I barely even know your name. I know nothing about you but it seems like I’ve known you a very long time.”

Ashlee turned and faced him. He smells so good, she thought. She felt warm. Her heart fluttered as he looked deep into her eyes. “I know what you mean. I’ve been overtaken by thoughts of you and honestly I don’t mind,” but before she could go on speaking, he kissed her. Thoughts were lost. Unspoken words were spoken, hearts were fused, feelings were shared in just one kiss. When they pulled apart, their hands clasped each other as they sat staring into each other’s eyes.

“You were saying?” Breckon said with a smile.

“I’m sorry, were we talking,” Ashlee said with a cheesy smile. From there they talked for about two hours. Ashlee learned that Breckon had moved there from a big city 30 minutes outside of Duroville, called Lilington. He was a senior at the local university there, he’d been studying to become an English teacher when his grandmother, Mrs. Jones the widow, passed away. He was the last living relative, he was an only child and his parents had died about six years ago and he had no aunts or uncles, so naturally he inherited her house along with a small sum of money. He waited to finish the school year before moving there. He was 22.

Ashlee looked outside and saw that all of the cars were gone from the front of her house. “I should go, it’s getting late,” she said worriedly. She stood but Breckon grabbed he hand and pulled her back. He stood, brushed her hair off of her face and kissed her again. “Really I should…” Kiss. “My mom’s probably worried…” Kiss. Slowly they made their way to the front door, kissing the whole way there. “I really need to go, but I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t.” Ashlee was lost for words she actually wante to stay. She felt herself falling for Breckon more and more by the second, this frightened and excited her all at the same time.

“Meet me at your window, we can try and talk then. I really must go; they’re probably worried about me. I’ll come back when I can.” After a long kiss goodbye, Ashlee slipped dazedly out of the front door and made her way to her house. She glanced back and saw Breckon peering out of his living room window.

When she walked in her house, her parents were sitting in the living room. Mr. Petersen was reading the newspaper in his usual chair and Mrs. Petersen was talking busily on her phone with one of the ladies from book club. “Hey sweetie, dinner is on the table,” her mom called as she walked past.

“It’s ok, I’m not hungry,” Ashlee said as she hurried up the stairs. When she made it to her room, she locked her door. Breckon’s light was already on; she could see him sitting on his bed starring at her window. He saw her and walked to his window and opened it. “One sec,” Ashlee called. She hurried into her closet and grabbed a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt and ran into her bathroom to change. She threw her dress on her bed and ran to the window. “Sorry, I had to get out of that awful dress.” Breckon laughed.

“Is it creepy that I miss you?” Breckon called.

“No, because I feel it too, I feel like you’re so far away even though you’re just right there.” Thoughts in Ashlee’s head began to spin. A plan formed. She told Breckon that she was going to sneak out after it got dark. She had to be with him again. Being without felt alien and strange, it was like she’d been with him her whole life and was now being torn away from him.

A few hours later the sun set, Ashlee waited until she head her parents retire to their bedroom. She silently crept down the stairs, avoiding the second one from the bottom because it squeaked. She made her way outside through the back door, over the fence, and to the door. Breckon answered the door quickly. He greeted her with a kiss.

They sat for a minute or two in his kitchen just holding each other. He grabbed her hand and took her up the stairs to his room. They climbed onto his bed and sat there holding each other. Ashlee felt at home in his arms, she never wanted to leave. Words were useless as they laid there. She could feel his heart beat as she laid there on his chest. Sleep slowly came upon them. Tonight sleep was perfect.

Suburbia | Kaytlen Bennett

It was the typical suburbia, identical white stucco houses on a perfectly straight road. Neat little lawns with one tree in front left corner, perpendicular driveways that pull up into two car garages. Between each house, a white fence approximately four feet high. It was called Tranquility Meadows. Every morning the Duroville Examiner would arrive at exactly 6:30 and would be greeted by the men on their way to work, each in their compact cars.

Mr. Howard Petersen was one of these men. He would wake up at exactly 6:00 a.m., shower, brush his teeth, comb his full head of hair, and make his way down stairs into the kitchen where his wife, Claire, would greet him with a breakfast: two slices of bacon, one over easy egg and a steaming cup of coffee. After eating he’d kiss his wife and walk out the door, briefcase in hand, pick up the newspaper, read the front page, walk to his car and leave for work.

Shortly after Howard would leave, his daughter, Ashlee, would wake up and make her way sleepily down to the kitchen where she too was greeted with breakfast-one piece of bacon, scrambled eggs, and a piece of toast. After breakfast, she would make her way up to her room and get ready for school. She was a senior at Duroville High, Student Body President and the only brunette with blue eyes making her the prettiest girl in school. She was average height and perfectly built (slim with just the right amount of curves.) Her smile was white and straight, no braces were ever needed. An hour later her captain of the football team boyfriend, Trent Sorenson, would pick her up and take her to school.

Around 2:45 p.m., Ashlee would arrive home followed shortly by Mr. Petersen. Ashlee would go up stairs and work on her homework until her mother called her for dinner at 4:30. Some nights after dinner, she would stare out her bedroom window at the house next door. The house next to the Petersen’s was the only empty house in all of Tranquility Meadows. Its lawn hadn’t been mowed since Mrs. Jones, the 81 year old widow, died a year ago. It was the black spot on the perfection. This is the way it had always been, as long as Ashlee could remember and this was the way it was until the summer after she graduated high school.

Late one summer evening, Ashlee was sitting in her room primping while waiting for Trent to come and pick her up for a date. A noise out on the street startled her so she ran to her window and peered out. An old, bright blue pick up truck sat parked outside the empty house. Its bed was filled with sheet cover items. A man appeared from inside the truck. His pants were torn; his stained white shirt clung tight to his tan muscular form. Whiskers speckled his face, his dark hair was messy. Ashlee watched his as he reached the door and unlocked it. A light flickered inside. Wanting to get another glimpse at him she continued staring out of her window.

A honk from Trent’s car broke her trance and brought her back to her senses. She grabbed her purse and ran down the stairs. When she emerged from the front door she glanced to her right at the house just as the man did also. Their eyes met. Time seemed to slow as Ashlee looked deep into the man’s brown eyes: her heart sped, breath quickened and face reddened. The feel of Trent’s hand in hers brought her back into sync with the world around her. “It’s not nice to stare babe.” Trent’s deep voice sent shivers down her spine, the kind of shivers one feels when being sucked back into reality, realizing that one had just been in another dimension of time or so Ashlee felt.

As the car sped away, Ashlee glanced back; the man was still standing on the doorstep looking back at her. When she could no longer see him she turned her head back around and let out a few short breaths. “Baby, are you ok? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine,” Ashlee heard herself say, but was she really, she didn’t know. Who is that man? That thought occupied her mind the rest of the night even as she kissed Trent good night. Once inside her house, she rushed past her mom who was waiting by the stairs to hear about her night up into her room and locked her door. Grabbing her chair from her desk in the corner of her room, she walked to her window, opened it, set the chair down just right so she could see out of her window but still not look like some sort of a creep.

The lights were on in the room level with Ashlee’s but there was no movement. After a moment, she began to question herself. Why was she doing this? Why was she so interested in the man? Why did she need to see him again? Her mind rushed with these thought until a slight creep on a door hinge in the house yanked her from her mind. There he was. Suddenly she realized that if he looked over he would see her. Quietly she slid her chair behind and knelt on the floor and peered out of the bottom corner of her window. Dazed she watch as he brought box after box into the room until they filled the room. He then started opening them one by one: this was his room.

A knock on Ashlee’s bedroom door jolted her back once again. Startled she ran into her chair which fell over causing a huge racquet. Hoping that he hadn’t heard she glanced back. He had hurried to his window to see what had made the noise. Eye contact. “Ashlee, honey, is everything ok? What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”

“No, mom I’m fine,” she lied, “I just ran into my chair, how silly of me,” she said as she frantically put her chair back at her desk and opened the door. There her mom stood in her baby pink nightgown with a glass of water in her hand.

“Is everything ok, honey? You seemed a little upset when you got home tonight. Is everything fine with you and Trent?” Ashlee sensed the worry in her voice. She liked Trent. Ashlee even sometimes caught her on the phone with one of her book club friends talking about the wedding.
“Everything is fine Mom, I’m just really tired that’s all,” Ashlee lied again making her way to her dresser pulling out a pair of pajamas.

“Ok, good night dear,” her mom said as she pulled the door closed. Ashlee took a deep breath as she pulled off her clothes, set them in the dirty clothes basket and slipped into her pajamas. When she crossed the room to turn off the light she glanced out the window. The light was still on but the room was empty. She switched off the light and climbed into bed. Sleep came in short bursts, weaved in and out with dreams of the man. There was something about him that took over Ashlee’s entire unconscious mind.

When morning’s light trickled into Ashlee’s room, she was already awake. Anxious, she jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. Mrs. Peterson was busy at the stove cooking wearing her bright red dress, her short blonde hair flipped out at the ends. Mr. Petersen looked surprised to see his daughter awake. “You’re up early, sweetie,” his raspy but calming voice broke the silence that had filled the air, “is everything ok? Did you have a bad dream?”

“No daddy I’m fine,” he always treated her like she was still a child. Frantically she searched her brain for a reason why she was awake so early, “I just couldn’t sleep any longer, today is such a beautiful day.” Did they buy it? That was a horrible excuse. I’m such an idiot; they’re going to know something is up. Ashlee was nervous.

“You’re right. Today is going to be a marvelous day.” Her mom spun around holding a plate filled with two slices of bacon and one over easy egg. “And do you know why it’s going to be a marvelous day? Because it’s the third Thursday of the month,” she said without waiting for a response. She was beaming. Ashlee knew what this meant: book club. But this wasn’t any normal book club day; it was the day that Ashlee would be accepted into the book club circle because she was now eighteen. It was a vicious cycle; her mother had been accepted into the book club by her mother who had been accepted into the book club by her mother and so on. There was no evading it. Ashlee was now doomed to spend every third Thursday of every month for the rest of her life with a bunch of aristocratic ladies, gossiping about everybody and anybody worth talking about.

After eating breakfast as slowly as possible, she trudged her way up stairs to her room. As she walked past the open window, her mind completely forgot everything. There he was in a tight white tank top and grey shorts, sitting on a bed that had been moved into the room. He was writing. What was he writing? Was it a bout me? Ashlee laughed at that last thought. He probably didn’t even know she existed but then he looked up. He saw her. Time slowed again. She could hear her heart beat. It was then that she realized that she was still in her pajamas, no make up, her hair was messy but then something unexpected happened: he stood. In shock, Ashlee just watched as he put down his notebook and pen, slowly walked to his window and opened it. She reached the window. Silence.

Their eyes were fixed on each other. Neither one could speak. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes seemed like hours. Unspoken feelings surged between them. A smile formed on his face. “Hi,” his voice was deep, calm, and soothing. Ashlee’s insides jumped. “I don’t really know what to say. I’m captivated by you and I don’t even know your name.” “Ashlee, Ashlee Petersen,” her voice was quiet.

“Ashlee, I’m Breckon McKile.” Silence followed. They sat staring deep into each other’s eyes. Transfixed on each other, neither daring to look away or blink for fear that they would wake up.

“Ashlee,” her mom’s shrill voice broke their dream-like state, “Sweetie, are you almost ready? The ladies are going to be here momentarily.”

“Umm, yea Mom,” she said as she look down at her pajamas then back up at Breckon. “I’ll be down in a minute.” She waited until she heard her mom’s footsteps go down the stairs.

“I’m sorry; I’ve got to get ready. I’m getting inducted into my mom’s book club. It’s a long standing tradition in my mom’s family. She’s really excited.”

“Are you?” Breckon’s voice was calm but inquisitive.

“Am I what?”

“Excited?”

“No, I’d rather not spend the rest of my life gossiping with old ladies.”

“Well what do you want to be doing?”

Be with you, She thought. “Umm, I’m not sure. Be anywhere but here, that’s for sure”Breckon smiled. The sound of car doors brought panic to Ashlee. “Crap, I really need to get ready. I’ll talk to you later ok?” She didn’t even wait to hear his response, she ran into her closet and grabbed out her mom’s favorite dress and ran into her bathroom to get dressed. Ashlee hated the dress. It was white with lace trimming on the collar and the bottom of the skirt that landed just beneath her knees.

When she was dress she rushed back into her room to her vanity and ran a brush through her long hair. Quickly she put powder on, mascara and a little bit of blush. That’s going to have to do, she thought. When she walked past her window a whistle caught her attention. She stopped and walked to her window. “How do I look?” She said jokingly.

“Beautiful,” Breckon called with a smile. Ashlee’s face lit up as she walked out her room and down the stairs. The smell of old lady perfume greeted her as she entered the living room. The room was filled with ladies with bright red lipstick, fancy hair, and expensive jewelry. The youngest one there other than her was her mother, who just happened to be 48.

They were already gossiping when Ashlee’s mom announced her arrival. She stood. “Attention ladies, if I can have your attention please.” All eyes shifted to Ashlee, “I’d like to introduce you to my daughter, Ashlee Marie Petersen.” Mutters filled the room. Quickly Ashlee took her seat next to her mother who was sitting on the other side of the room. The room gradually got louder as refreshments were served.

Pretty soon the ladies forgot she was even there. They gossiped about the cute postman and the new guy next door. “Did you see his pickup truck?” One would say.

“Claire, I don’t know how you’ve been able to stand living next to that dump,” another would say to Ashlee’s mom, and so on.

Ashlee’s head began to hurt between thoughts of Breckon and the aroma of perfume mixed with tea. Politely she excused herself and snuck into the kitchen for a glass of water and fresh air. She glance at the back door that led into the backyard.

Before she knew it she was slipping out the back door and climbing over the short fence. What am I doing, she thought but that did stop her. She reached the back door, her heart was pounding. She knocked. Moments passed. Maybe he didn’t hear? What am I going to do when he answers the door? She began to turn back around when she heard the door knob turned. She turned around. There in the doorway was Breckon with his shirt off, his hair was wet. “Hey, I didn’t expect you to be here. I was just getting out of the shower, sorry it took so long. Aren’t you supposed to be at book club or something like that?”